


You're my King and I'm your Lionheart

by DancingInTheRain



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: English Royals!AU, Fili and Kili are crown princes of the UK, M/M, alternative universe
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-06
Updated: 2017-08-24
Packaged: 2018-06-06 18:23:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6764902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DancingInTheRain/pseuds/DancingInTheRain
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Birthday present for the lovely letterstoshakespear. Happy birthday, darling!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> With this, I’m tentatively making my way back into the Hobbit-fandom. Baby steps. Let’s see how it goes ;-) This is a birthday present for the lovely letterstoshakespear who asked for a FiKi!English Royals AU. Basically, Fíli is William and Kíli Harry - concerning the titles etc, mind you, I’m not implying anything here. I really, really hope you like this, Courtney!
> 
> This was decidedly too much fun to write, hence I wrote it in one go and it’s not betaed. If you want to read more about the boys in this spontaneous universe, I might’ve more up my sleeve if you guys wanna *hints*
> 
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~+  
> Addition: this got only one like on tumblr so far, so I'm not sure if that's a good sign for my step back into the Hobbit fandom or not^^ Thought I might as well stick it on here as well, since not all of you are on tumblr and I wouldn't want you to miss it :)
> 
> Enjoy!

The morning was bright and clear, crisp late summer breeze pushing in through open windows, billowing the curtains. The big table clad with white linen was nearly overflowing with delicious foods and drinks, like every morning. What was unusual about this morning was that not only one, but two persons were currently occupying the table, having breakfast. At any other day, Kíli couldn’t be arsed to leave his bed before ten and even then he would be whining like a five-year-old; there was a reason he’d gotten the strictest butler to be found in the entire United Kingdom. Dori was in fact terrifying when displeased, a sight that always got the prince out of bed within minutes.

Today, however, was not a normal day, hence Kíli had actually joined his early bird of a mother for breakfast. He was already dressed in his finest suit Dori had laid out for him, his tie discreetly matching the colors of Dis’ scarf; one of the many little details their flock of domestic servants and designers arranged so carefully. They were Royalty, after all. Even if neither Dís nor Kíli would ever sit on the throne – at least Kíli prayed to any deity that existed he would never. Sure, technically, he could also become King without his elder brother dying; if Fíli stepped aside freely or created a major scandal. Both of those options were highly unlikely though. The heir knew his responsibilities very well.

Since the current King of the United Kingdom, Thorin, their uncle, had never married and therefore never had had children, the sons of his younger sister were next in line for the throne, namely the elder, Fíli. Dís herself had abdicated the throne once she’d learned of her first pregnancy, passing the right to be King or Queen on to her son or daughter. Kíli, born two years after Fíli, dearly hoped he would never have to take up this huge responsibility. He already had a title – the Prince Wales – and responsibilities tied to it, though not as many as Fíli, who would become Duke of Cambridge, Earl of Strathearn and Baron Carrickfergus once he’d get married.

The thought made Kíli’s gut clench unpleasantly.

Thinking back, it was a miracle he and Fíli got on so well these days. As the younger prince, Kíli had always had certain liberties, more than his brother anyway. And boy, had he taken advantage of that. His teenager years were dotted with scandals, minor and major, wild partying, escapades, drunk driving (though only once and thank God without causing an accident) and drugs. There was a reason the press and public called him Prince of Chaos. It wasn’t as bad though, these days, not anymore.

For a good reason.

Kíli let out a shaky breath and pushed his scrambled eggs away, half eaten.

His mother looked up from her morning paper.

“Everything alright, dear?”

The brunet nodded. “Yeah. A bit excited, I guess.”

A warm smile opened on Dís’ face. “Me too. I’m looking forward to having you both around again. You’re far less chipper when your brother isn’t around.”

Kíli managed another small smile and occupied himself with his coffee, avoiding her eyes. Excited wasn’t exactly the right word. Nervous was more like it.

He’d both longed and dreaded this day, when Fíli would come home from his military training. 44 weeks was a long time after all, though the prince had been allowed visits to his family from time to time, of course; two to be exact. The last one had been three months ago and…

Kíli took a hasty sip of coffee and promptly burnt his tongue, cursing softly under his breath. Diving for a glass of water nearby, he could see his mother shaking her head at him fondly. It was still a miracle to him, how she could still look at him this way, how she could still love him after…

The brunet downed the water, letting out a long breath. He was getting dizzy by how quickly his thoughts were jumping from those two events, both entirely different in outcome. They both triggered exact opposite feelings in him: guilt and excitement, dread and happiness. Probably the most severe situations in his young life.

Kíli forced himself to concentrate on the matter at hand right now, the one connected to his brother. Whom he’d not been getting on with very well in his teenager years. Fíli had always been so perfect and virtous and Kíli really couldn’t not hate him for it. The younger had always been a rebel – reckless, his mother called him on countless occasions – sick with his family’s sense of responsibility and morals and rules. He’d wanted to be free, had felt caged in this huge building almost from the start. At least that’s what his fifteen-year-old-self had felt. Today, at 22, Kíli saw things quite differently. He hadn’t turned into a good little boy sticking to the rules overnight of course and he still liked to go to parties and relished the fact that he wasn’t as cooped up in meetings and tasks as his brother. But he handled things differently, more serious, even. The drugs had stopped entirely – he’d only been using rather half-heartedly, anyway, more a case of ‘wanting to belong’ than really getting a kick out of it. He’d banned the people he’d hung out with during his wild years from his life completely, realizing in hindsight only how much damage they had caused. But of course, it would be cowardly to only blame them for all the mistakes Kíli had done. And the Prince of Wales might be many things, but not a coward.

It wasn’t the family he’d been born into, either, although Kíli had spent many years hating the House of Windsor – memories of himself shouting through the whole palace how much he hated this family and each and every member of it at various ages. He sighed again, internally this time. Didn’t want his mother to worry about him. Back then he’d been selfish to think he was the only one struggling with the fact that he was royalty. He’d distanced himself so much from his family, not allowing himself to see their doubts and struggles. It wasn’t until he’d gotten into a shouting match with Fíli – again – one day that his elder brother lost his cool for once that he understood how very similar his and Fíli’s problems were.

Do you think you’re the only one who hates this sometimes?! Don’t you think I wished I was born into a fucking normal family with Dad being a teacher and Mum being a nurse sometimes? Every time I have to go to these galas with Uncle and stand there, letting people gawk at me because I’m the future King of the United Kingdom, judging every step and gesture I damn nearly be sick and I just want to say fuck it and emigrate of something! But I can’t because it’s my duty. So don’t you dare act like you’re the only one suffering!

Those words had replayed in Kíli’s had for weeks to follow and they’d truly affected the way he saw his brother. He’d started watching the blond more closely, discovering that Fíli was behaving different in public than he was at home. Less easy laughter, but tight-lipped smiles. Those broad shoulders tense and slightly drawn up. Hands shaking ever so slightly. No, Fíli wasn’t comfortable being watched and scrutinized around the clock. He certainly didn’t like being future King. Was even terrified of it, Kíli had learned one night after he’d found his brother sitting in front of the fireplace in their living-room with tear-streaked cheeks. He’d been more than a bit freaked out by this – after all, Fíli always seemed so calm and sure of himself – and had clumsily offered help. They’d talked a lot that night, watching the flames together. Had cried, too, a bit embarrassed. And Kíli had realized how much he missed his big brother. They had been inseparable as kids, but had grown distant in their teens. Kíli didn’t want that. Had vowed that cold December night in front of the fire that he’d change, he’d give up the party life-style and ‘I don’t care’-attitude to finally become an adult. And Fíli had offered to help him. Had confined that sometimes he wished he could get away with parties and being photographed coming out of clubs obviously drunk like Kíli did. 

The growing up-part of Kíli’s vow happened a lot faster than he’d anticipated. Two weeks later, the accident had happened.

The first half of 2015 was still a big blur to Kíli mostly, time moving both incredibly fast and agonizingly slow. A blending in of mourning, grief and endless therapy sessions, his successful rehab and friendly counselors talking with him about the loss of his father. He’d pulled through alright, he thought thinking back on it, from where he’s standing – or rather sitting – right now. As alright as one could in his situation.

A gentle knock on the door startled him back to the present, his mother asking the person inside. Nori stepped in and bowed.

“The car is ready now, Ma’am”, their head of security exclaimed.

Dís smiled, nodding. “Thank you, Nori. We’ll be out right away.”

They were left alone again and Dís put the paper away. “Ready?”

Kíli looked at her over the table, again wondering how she could smile at him like that. The smile slipped a bit and Dís got up, rounding the table to pull him to his feet. He was taller than her, has been for quite a few years now.

“I know that look”, she frowned, brushing imaginary dust from his shoulders. “Stop it. I love you, Kilian, I always will.”

“But…” The protest came natural, automatic response drilled into his mind by guilt and shame. She didn’t let him.

“No buts. The past is in the past and we can’t change it. You are a different person now and I’m so proud of you and what you’ve accomplished.”

She hugged him and Kíli hugged back, trying not to tear up. Tear stains on his mother’s elegant Chanel dress wouldn’t exactly look good in the public’s ever watchful eyes. Not that Dís cared, never had. Her family came first, always.

The Lioness of the UK. She didn’t have that title for nothing.

One last pat on the back, then Kíli was released and greeted by his mother’s smile.

“Now. Ready to pick up your brother from the airport?”

He nodded, throat tight once again, but for an entirely different reason now.

Fíli would be home in less than two hours.

~°~

His hands kept being sweaty, no matter how many times he’d discreetly wiped them on the car’s upholstery. They, too, were nervous. Possibly because they remembered. As his lips remembered, tingling just from the thought of it. Kíli ducked hid head quickly, peering out of the window at passing London scenery without seeing it. He was blushing, he could feel it. Goddamn, why did he feel like a teenager? It hadn’t been his first kiss after all, far from it. But it had been the first time he kissed his own brother.

The last night of Fíli’s home leave, before he had flown back to the military base for the last three months of his training. Thorin had been over for dinner, just the four of them enjoying Bombur’s incredible cooking and a bottle of Bardolino. Okay, maybe more than one bottle. They hadn’t been drunk though – Fíli did have to be back on base hours later after all and Kíli had cut his drinking extremely since their father’s death – so they couldn’t blame what had happened on that either. In hindsight, Kíli wasn’t sure at all why exactly he had kissed his brother. They’d grown close again since December 2014, as close as they had been as kids and he loved that, enjoyed every minute with Fíli. The need to have the other close as often as possible had grown steadily without him even realizing it. He did join Fíli more often on official happenings, galas or conferences; the blond had been there for the first time Kíli had taken up polo again.

He had had a lot of time thinking about this those past weeks and as he’d gone through every moment they’d spent together this past year and he’d noticed certain changes in Fíli’s behavior towards him as well. The look of anger on his face when a reporter had asked Kíli if he was seeing someone these days – the media was always interested in his love life, being the first openly gay royal would do that to you -, the fact that Fíli seemed to seek a lot more body contact with Kíli than he ever had before – hugs and a hand on his shoulder, brushing away stray hair from his cheek –, and the look of raw fear in those ocean-blue eyes when Kíli had fallen of his horse during said first polo match in a decade – whispered words on his sickbed later where Fíli had refused to leave him alone and thought him sleeping, quiet confessions of I can’t lose you, not you too, anyone but not you, please don’t ever leave my side, promise me.

Yeah, maybe there had been something growing between them for months now without them realizing. The problem was, Kíli was pretty certain about his own feelings. As difficult as it had been, admitting to himself that he was in love with his brother, he’d accepted it eventually. The problem was he didn’t know how Fíli felt at all. They hadn’t talked about it, not because of embarrassment or lack of wanting, but lack of time. Thorin had come in to say goodbye, Dís in tow who had joined them for the reminder of the evening. Fíli had gone to bed eventually and when they had said their goodbyes in the morning, their mother had been there as well of course. Fíli had hugged Kíli longer than usual, ending it with a slight brush of lips to his ear.

“We’ll talk once I’m back, I’m sorry we couldn’t talk last night, I wish I could email you, but…”

But his mails were of course monitored, so he’d only addressed them to his mother and brother, not having much time on the computer anyway, because Fíli wasn’t a snobby royal claiming extra treatment, but had specifically asked to be treated exactly like any other cadet in his unit. Those words of goodbye though had planted hope within Kíli, hope that maybe he wasn’t alone with his wants and his feelings. As wrong as they were, maybe Fíli had the same feelings for him, could feel as well that something had shifted between them. Possibly for eternity.

Exhaling, Kíli drummed his fingers against the car seat. They did need to talk about it, though he had no idea when they’d have a chance to. Dís had invited the extended family over for luncheon later and in the evening Fíli’s mates from university and friends of the family would come over for a party in honor of the crown prince successfully completing his basic training in the Blues and Royals Regiment. He hoped there would be a chance, some quiet minutes to just get it off his chest, those words Kíli had carefully locked away there. He just needed –

“We’re here”, Nori announced from the front seat as the car rolled onto the military airport. Other families were here, too, parents and siblings of the other cadets and press, of course.

Kíli straightened, squaring his shoulders and taking a deep breath like Thorin had told them. Turned towards his mother who was smiling at him, radiating pride.

“Ready?” She took Kíli’s hand and squeezed it.

“Ready.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sooo, apparently these boys won't leave me alone at all. Expect two more chapters, maybe three, depends on how much more ideas I have and if you want more, that is :)
> 
> I'm always open to suggestions or ideas!
> 
> PS: A special hi to the lovely letterstoshakespear! I hope you still enjoy these two boys :)

They made their way to the waiting area, where a lot of other people were already standing around, waiting for the cadets to come home. Some of them were nobles or at least famous in some or other way, welcoming their sons and daughters home after long weeks of military service. Every last one of them had been vouched for and frisked, only one detail of the high security standard surrounding this whole affair. 

The prince and his mother would be shadowed by bodyguards of course, hand-selected by Nori who wasn’t leaving their sides either at the moment. Kíli had long since gotten used to figures in black suits following him around – although he had found ways to slip their grasp during his wild years. Probably had cost many an agent his job, too, at that. Sighing internally, Kíli followed his mother to the little platform that overlooked the airport where the military jet would be landing in a few minutes. A few reporters were waiting in the distance, kept away as well. There will be a time for pictures later, but for now there’s at least some resemblance of privacy for the reuniting families. 

Not that they ever had real privacy outside the palace.

The more minutes ticked by the more nervous Kíli got. His mother, of course, seemed as cool as a cucumber, making small talk with some people the prince vaguely recognized from some gala or other. His mind was a whirlwind of thoughts and his hands were sweaty again. What if Fíli’s behavior towards him had changed? What if his brother had had time to think about their kiss, really think about it and had come to the conclusion that it had not been what it seemed? That it was too risky and too taboo to continue this – whatever had built up between them? If it had been only a joke?  
Kíli mentally shook his head at that last thought. No, Fíli hadn’t been playing with him that night, that the younger was certain of. Fíli wasn’t one to fool around or install false hope in anyone, the least of all his brother. No, the kiss had been serious to Fíli; but what did that mean for the future?

The brunet’s internal worrying came to an abrupt halt when the military jet’s landing was announced over the speakers and a few moments later, the huge airplane did indeed land. There was cheering from the waiting relatives and applause rose when the gangway was lowered and the first of many cadets exited the plane. 

Nori gently steered Dís and Kíli to the front of the group, giving them the chance to greet the crown prince first. Little groups of men and women in military uniforms were walking towards the waiting area, carefree and laughing. With every step the first group of four men came closer, Kíli’s heart rate increased. There he was, wedged between two other comrades, a carefree laugh on his face: Fíli.  
His blond hair, cut in short military style, seemed almost golden in the bright sunlight; the skin on his face and arms was golden as well, with a lovely tan he had gotten during his time at the base. Against the unusual darker skin, his blue eyes shone even brighter than before. The sight knocked the breath right out of Kíli and he had to swallow hard.

His brother was beautiful.

Nearby, a handful of young ladies – some cadets’ sisters or girlfriends maybe – started giggling and batting their eyelashes once the crown prince was within earshot. Obviously Kíli wasn’t the only one who thought his brother breathtakingly gorgeous. The brunet felt a glare forming on his face which only increased when Fíli, only a few yards away from the visitor’s platform now, threw an arm around the cadet to his right, pulling him close. 

Wait. Who even was that? And why was he so – intimate – with his brother?!

Something ugly uncurled in the pit of Kíli’s stomach.

Before he could find out what it was, Fíli had finally reached them, stepping away from his comrades to hug their mum fiercely. Dís, with years of practice, managed not to cry – but she hugged her eldest back equally fierce. Kíli had only time to once again wipe his sweaty palms on his trousers (Dori was going to kill him for the stains) before he too was swept into strong arms.  
For a moment, his jittery nerves were forgotten and Kíli relaxed fully in his brother’s embrace.

Fíli smelled of sunscreen and sunshine and so much like home that Kíli had a hard time not tearing up himself.

Surprisingly cool lips brushed his ear briefly, sending a shudder down his spine.

“God, I’ve missed you so much, Kee”, Fíli whispered, his hoarse voice letting Kíli’s heart and cock jump.

The embrace was over within mere seconds, although even an hour wouldn’t have been along in the brunet’s opinion. But oh well, public appearances and decency. When Fíli pulled away to greet some of the other people surrounding them, his younger brother didn’t dare adjust his trousers – but for once no one was paying attention to him. The next few minutes passed quickly with Fíli answering questions and sharing some small anecdotes from his time of service, and the three of them posing for some photographs, Dís in the middle, a son on each side.

Not before long they made their excuses and were herded back to the limousine by Nori and his men to drive back home. The day was – like most of their days – planned through thoroughly. The King’s sister would be hosting a lunch for family members and friends of the family, including some of Fíli’s college friends to welcome the Prince home. The King himself would not arrive until dinner, having more pressing meetings with the Prime Minister and members of the Parliament through the day. Thorin, however, had banned any meetings for the evening and following morning, wanting to spend time with his reunited family. As busy as his uncle was, he always found time to be with them, something Kíli gave him great credit for.  
The ride back was, in short, agonizing. Kíli ended up sitting right from Fíli, which meant that half his body was pressed up against him. The warmth Fíli radiated was intoxicating and it felt like his left side was on fire. Thankfully, Kíli had been mindful enough to shrug off his suit jacket before entering the car; this way, he could billow it up in his lap, hiding any reaction his brother’s closeness had on him. 

For God’s sake, he wasn’t a damn teenager nor a flustering virgin! 

It didn’t exactly help that apparently his brother wasn’t affected like that at all. On the contrary: he was amicably chatting away with his mother and Nori in the front, asking how things had been at home during the last few weeks of his absence. There was no discomfort in his posture, no visible clue that sitting this close to his sibling was anything but normal. At one point, Kíli had risked a glance to the left, just to be sure…but his brother’s army uniform pants were so baggy there was no way of telling if -

Heat crept up into Kíli’s cheeks and he had to momentarily press his face against the cool glass of the car window. Just the thought of his elder brother’s…

“Kee? You alright?”

Whipping his head around, Kíli looked straight into Fíli’s concerned blue eyes.

“No, I mean yes, ‘m fine, it’s just…”

He trailed off awkwardly. What was there to say? ‘I got a boner so hard it hurts just from sitting next to you?’?

For the briefest of seconds, Kíli’s eyes sub-consciously flickered downwards to his own lap. Fíli raised an eyebrow, obviously misinterpreting the gesture. 

“Are you sick?”

And before Kíli could say anything, Fíli’s hand was under the suit jacket piled up in his lap, patting at his stomach in concern. The younger let out a noise between a shriek and a yelp, instinctively trying to bat the groping hand away – only to of course accidently push it right where he didn’t want it.

For a very long moment, time in the limousine seemed to stand still. Fíli’s eyes went wide one second, his mouth opening slightly – only to snap shut again the next moment. The look in his eyes changed and again, Kíli was left breathless: he could watch his brother’s pupils dilate and his gaze darken, a sudden hungry expression in those blue orbs. Slowly, Fíli moved his fingers and gave the bulge in the brunet’s trousers a gentle squeeze.

Kíli damn nearly swallowed his tongue.

A smirk tugged at Fíli’s lips, then the blond carefully rearranged his expression into a neutral one, pulled back his hand, and turned around to his mother who was now eyeing her youngest worriedly. 

“Probably just a mixture of being confronted with a lot of people and the media; and of course he’s so excited his big brother’s finally back home to annoy him.”

The blond gave Kíli a shit-eating grin and despite the innuendo that had Kíli blushing again, he rolled his eyes and puffed his cheeks.

“Yeah, right, like I missed that of all things.”

It did the trick, though. The worry in their mother’s eyes disappeared, replaced by fond amusement.

“Oh dear, I have a feeling we’re going to miss the days those two weren’t in each other’s hair all the time, won’t we, Nori?”, she teased with a happy smile on her face.

The head of security chuckled from the front seat, meeting her eyes in the rear mirror.

“Indeed we will, Ma’am.” He was a loyal servant of the family for over two centuries now, clearly remembering all the trouble the princes had gotten into in their younger years.

“Don’t worry”, Fíli grinned, placing a hand on his brother’s neck, “I’ll look after him, like always.”

Was Kíli interpreting too much into this or was there a deeper meaning to his brother’s words?

With the way Fíli’s hand tightened briefly around his neck and the happy, adoring look the blond sent his way, Kíli wasn’t at all sure what to think.

~°°~

Sighing deeply, Kíli leant against the window of his private quarters, looking down into the gardens. The last of the lunch guests were saying their goodbyes to his mother right now, happy inaudible chatter floating up through the warm air. 

He hadn’t had much time to talk to his brother throughout the whole event, which had been annoying but understandable: Fíli was after all the very reason this luncheon had been arranged and therefor he was the center of attention. He’d enjoyed it, too, from what Kíli had been able to see from the distance. Meeting relatives and friends again, exchanging news and stories, enjoying good food and cool drinks – it must’ve been a perfect afternoon for Fíli. Not so much for Kíli, but who was asking anyway.

Shaking his head at his own antics, Kíli frowned. No, that wasn’t fair. He didn’t begrudge Fíli a good time among the people closest to him, on the contrary. My, his brother had been in a war zone for the past few weeks after all! Fíli hadn’t exactly disliked his time of service, he knew it was necessary and he’d been beyond proud to serve his country, being treated like any other UK-lad, not the crown prince. Kíli knew his brother craved this, being seen for who he was, not just his title and responsibilities. Actually, he, Kíli, had been the one to remind their mother to invite Fíli’s friends from college as well; none of them were nobles, mind you, some of their parents weren’t even particularly rich, and still. They had stuck by Fíli despite those facts, had befriended him not for his wealth (which technically wasn’t his in the first place) or his status, but for his many other character traits: loyalty, wit, humor, charm, love…

And that right there was definitely his lovesick heart talking. Kíli sighed again and banged his head a little against the window. As if that would help. Would there ever be an end to this uncertainty? Kíli was very aware that patience wasn’t exactly among his strong virtues, but still. How was anyone supposed to survive hanging in the air like that?

Kíli had watched his brother throughout luncheon; it had been easy since the focus had been mainly on the blond (mostly the younger guests) or on his mother (mostly the older guests with a preference for politics). Hardly anyone had paid attention to the lioness’ second son who’d kept to the background, making the odd small talk if it couldn’t be avoided, but stayed clear of any attention otherwise. 

He honestly couldn’t remember when Fíli had last been this relaxed and carefree among people who weren’t his closest family members. It might not be obvious to the public eye, but whenever Fíli was on “official duty”, his smile would never reach his eyes. There would be tension in his shoulders, a rigidness to his whole posture as if he was being forced to stand upright and be focused. The knowledge of being constantly observed had this effect, Kíli himself was very aware of that. 

Since he had spent the last weeks, months even watching his brother closely – more closely than a brother should – Kíli was confident he saw a difference in his brother’s behavior this afternoon. The blond’s laughs had been deep and honest, not shallow and forced. His eyes had lit up at various occasions: catching up with his college friend Sigrid, learning about her engagement; celebrating Haldir’s new job at the defense department (“Not bad for a binman’s son, ey?”) – true happiness and excitement for dear friends. 

Since when was Fíli able to be this – relaxed? It wasn’t courtesy of his service time, no. Kíli very well remembered how stressed and troubled his brother had been when he’d come home for his first visit away from the base. The things Fíli had to learn in the army, but mostly the things he had to see had affected him greatly – and not in a positive way. He’d overcome them, yes. But when his brother had returned for his second holiday, Fíli had not been relaxed at all: no matter how often he had smiled, there had always been a certain tightness around his eyes, some kind of invisible pressure that just wouldn’t lift, no matter how much time Fíli had spent among his loved ones, his mother, brother and uncle. 

And now?

It was gone, just like that. The once prominent lines around the crown prince’s eyes had disappeared, the hardness in those blue eyes had vanished. Today, there was only honesty and love to be found in both Fíli’s eyes and his whole body language. 

Almost as if a great burden had been lifted off his brother’s shoulders.

He mustn’t hope. He wasn’t allowed to hope for anything at all. There had been a fleeting thought, an inquiry, really, as to how much this development might be his fault. Had that night a few weeks back been the reason for Fíli’s change of behavior? Could it be that the weight of feelings being unwrapped and secret longings being laid open, had been what caused Fíli to feel so carefree and open? _Admitting it, living it?_

His heart stuttered once more. Grasping his chest, Kíli shook his head once again. 

He MUSTN’T hope!

An image slammed into his sub-consciousness: Fíli with his fellow army comrade. Throwing an arm around his shoulders, laughing, carefree. Intimate. 

Could it be that his comrade had been the reason for all of this? 

What if something had happened between Fíli’s visit a few weeks back and now? Something that had nothing to do with Kíli, but another man making his brother happy?

After all – how on earth should anyone be happy because of Kíli, the greatest fuck up in the history of the royal family?

Sighing again, Kíli forced himself to push back those negative thoughts. He wasn’t allowed to wallow in self-pity. He had to be thankful for so many things: his family not pushing him out or ignoring him, being by his side through rehab and the time after, encouraging him. And he was thankful, very much in fact. He just wasn’t sure how or if he deserved all that kindness.

A glance on his wristwatch told him that he’d better be heading down again; his uncle could arrive any moment. The prince was looking forward to this: in the public, Thorin mostly appeared to be conservative, if not prude; something that came naturally with being the King of the United Kingdom. But Kíli knew better: though his uncle had inhabited his father and grandfather’s temper, which didn’t flare often, but if it did it burned as hot as a flame. Despite that, Thorin radiated a calm and wisdom Kíli had found himself seeking out when he was a child, even while his dad had still been alive. 

Whenever the young boy had been sad or angry about something – and his uncle was within reach – he’d go to “Unca Torin”, sit on his knees and let his uncle tell him stories or even sing to him, his rich, deep voice soothing the boy almost instantly. 

These days, Kíli’s urge to please his uncle, to make him proud was foremost on his mind. Sure, he didn’t see the King as often as when he had been a boy, when Thorin’s father Thrain had been King and Thorin did have more time to spend with his sister, brother-in-law and nephews. Maybe it was Kíli’s hyperawareness of the things he’d done wrong in the past, but now more than ever he wanted Thorin to be proud of him. It was no secret that the King had sort of taking over the father role from their dad, both Kíli and Fíli felt that way, looking to their uncle for guidance – even now, when they were both adults. 

During the worst days of his rehab, the only thing preventing Kíli to relapse had been the sheer will to not disappoint his family again. 

He’d done enough harm for a lifetime, two even.

Pushing his door open, Kíli stepped into the empty hallway. It was seldom, not being flanked by two figures in black suits every step, but here, inside their home, security measures were a bit more lax. The whole perimeter was being guarded and there were several agents downstairs just to be sure, but the east wing (holding the rooms of Dís and her former husband) and the west wing (private quarters for their sons) were more private. Since early childhood, both princes had been used to the security checks before bedtime, Kíli vividly remembering Nori making it a game of pick-a-boo, searching the room for intruders, bugs and the such while entertaining the wee ones. It made him smile. Nori had always been more family than security, really, as was their chef Bombur and the head of estate management, Bofur.

Kíli was so lost in thought, walking down the hallway, he didn’t registered a door to his left opening until he was grabbed and dragged away, a hand over his mouth to silence his scream.


End file.
